he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
