We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
