I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
