so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
