I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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