dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
