So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
