I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
