Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
