Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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