My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize