Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
