I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
