we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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