You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
