So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
