Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
