Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
