you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
