So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
