I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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