there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
