I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
