If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
