So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
