you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
