Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Bring me that man meat
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
