so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
