I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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