We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
