I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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