She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
