There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
