I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
