i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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