So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
