You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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