I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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