Is it normal to miss your booty call?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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