i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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