threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
