Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
