why didn't you poke me back
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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