After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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