best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
