Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
