Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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