I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
