dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
