worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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