This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
