Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
