I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
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