wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
