Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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