He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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