you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
