I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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