Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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