I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
