I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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