I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
