The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
