Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the condom got lost in my hair
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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