Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
