it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
