im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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